When God called me on this big adventure, he had put the word Wild on my heart. I had this idea of what wild was going to look like... I imagined it as this total freedom and bliss, living life dancing in fields of wildflowers, and being filled with the joy of the Spirit. LOL As if.. Lol This trip so far has 100% been WILD… but not in the least bit like that. In the last two weeks since I started this trek, I have accidentally exploded bear spray in my car, shattering my windshield and coating my car in capsaicin pepper, encountered tick ridden territory like I have never experienced before, trekked through areas of land that are allegedly known to be haunted with vampires and dogmen and ghosts, experienced multiple day long power outages that led to sweltering hot nights, lots of flashlights,and no running water, convinced myself I had a tick lodged in my ear that led to an interesting and expensive urgent care visit, and driven through a torrential and terrifying storm in Kansas that included golf ball sized hail, tornado warnings, and overturned semi trucks. WILD indeed…like no other words for that chaos, but just pure WILD. This wasn’t the Wild I pictured… or I guess I could say this wasn’t the Wild I wanted. But maybe this trip was never supposed to be about what I wanted or pictured, but what the Lord wants for me. These last two weeks of wildness have stripped me raw and it’s been painful, and scary, and emotionally wrecking at times… I think I have cried every day since I have left home, and have questioned what the heck I am doing with my life multiple times a day, but there is something beautiful about what is happening in my heart. The crazy chaos that I have experienced the last couple of days has broken me down a bit, but ironically my spirit feels stronger than it ever has. There has been a freedom I have found in the breaking, a letting go, a releasing, a surrender… It’s been too chaotic for me to pretend like I have it all together or to paint a picture that this nomad journey is all sunshine and rainbows. I have been completely scrappy, and fighting for my life out here (lol), and its been freeing to be completely honest and authentic with my survival state with everyone in my life. There is no ability to hide behind a lens when you are stripped down. There is no pretending to have it all together. There is no faking it… When you are in the midst of the chaos and the breaking, there is a forced authenticity that flows through, and a complete surrender to vulnerability and openness. It’s raw, and it’s real, and it’s oh so lovely. wild This was the definition for Wild I first pulled up when the Lord put the word on my heart over a year ago… not domesticated or cultivated… If domesticated means tame, and cultivated means refined… I am certainly undomesticated and uncultivated after these last few weeks. There has been nothing tame about the craziness I have gone through, and there is nothing refined about my messiness and complete chaos right now. I am completely uncultivated, undomesticated, and unrefined, but I think I kind of love it. It feels like freedom. It feels like a vibrant and beautiful pot of flowers that have all begun to grow wildly, overspilling and overflowing outside the limits of the pot. It feels like a bright and colorful field of sunflowers, all facing different directions and growing wildly intertwined with each other. It feels like a blossoming and blooming patch of wildflowers growing sporadically and oh so wildly along the random pieces of grass on the side of the highway. It feels unrestrained, uncultivated, and yet oh so beautiful. It feels quite wild. Although this was not the visual of wild I had originally imagined for this trip, I think I am starting to realize that this is the first step of living in true freedom with the Lord and living completely wildy with Him by my side. I needed to be stripped down to the place of complete vulnerability and realness with the Lord, and with others. I needed to learn how to release my unrefined parts out to the hands of the Lord, and trust that He loved me for my mess, and that He could make beautiful things in my breaking. I needed to learn that there is a lovely beauty that is found in uncultivated and unrefined things, even if those uncultivated and unrefined things are me and my life. Lol While I certainly hope and pray that someday my wild will look a little more like dancing on mountaintops in fields of wildflowers with the Lord, I am glad I have had this time of scrappy wildness to strip me down to my unrefined and uncultivated self. And when my mountaintop dancing days do come, I know because of this stripping process with the Lord, I will undoubtedly dance just a little more joyful and a whole lot more freer. There is beauty beyond comparison in uncultivated and unrefined things. There is a lovely beauty in being stripped down to complete vulnerability and authenticity.
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Note From Author:God talks to me through nature. I hope and pray He talks to you through my writings here.
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