I'm the girl who marches to the beat of her own drum... the girl who loves to color outside of the lines... the girl who will undoubtedly go left if the rest of the world is going right.
I'm the girl who danced a complete dance recital with a yellow crayon bandaid on her forehead because half an hour before the show started she busted her forehead open playing hide and seek.
I'm the girl who the parking lot attendants at church got to know as the girl who is always running late 10 min to service, coming in chaotically as could be. lol
I'm the girl who accidentally set off her pepper spray in her pocket in a restaurant, and watched the entire restaurant crowd have to run out of the building to get fresh air.
I'm the girl that used to perform puppet shows with her bestie in the bathroom stalls of the dance studio to entertain the students in the bathroom that were skipping ballet class. lol
I'm the girl whose college dorm room was accentuated with a 12 foot pole in the middle of the room because she wanted to have a more exciting upper body workout than weights. lol
I'm the girl that perpetually has stains on her clothes and is forever dropping coffee and maple syrup on her nicest outfits.
I'm the girl who got a disciplinary letter in her file when working in public school systems, because the superintendant saw her running around barefoot in the halls. lol
I'm the girl who spent 12+ hours on college game days, covered in head to toe blue glitter screaming her head off for her tarheels.
I'm the girl who popped her two driver passenger side tires because she hit a curb while dancing just a touch too hard behind the wheel.
I'm the girl who had to call search and rescue on her first ever solo trip to Hawaii cause she got lost in the woods, to then go skydiving the next day.
I'm the girl that has never fit in well with any mold, and quite honestly never wanted to.
I guess you could say that I have always been a bit... well, WILD.
Even though I never wanted to fit a mold or be constrained by any limit, I struggled with finding my place in this world. There was a part of me that loved my wildness, but another part of me that felt a little ashamed by it. I never seemed to fit in with people, and I felt very misunderstood. Sometimes I did not even understand myself. There was a part of me that wanted to fit in and find a sense of belonging in the crowd, but the wild part of my heart and spirit, was never able to shrink itself down to fit into a pre-fitted mold the world seemed to have for me. `
Sadly, the place I felt most out of place, and most misunderstood was the church and Christian community. I always loved the Lord, and had such a passion for my relationship with Him, but dang, I really struggled with trying to find my place and my role in the church and community.
As a single woman with an adventurous heart and wild spirit, I always felt out of place. It felt like there was an expected role for me to fill, and it wasn’t one that I wanted to fill. Women’s conferences seemed to always be geared toward helping women be a good wife and mother, and were always titled something like “Beautiful” or “Proverbs 31 woman” while the men’s conferences were always called something like “Courageous” or “Fearless” and were held in the woods on a camping trip.
(I remember always wondering if I could sign up for the mens conferences because they spoke to my soul and spirit so much more. Lol )
The older I got, the more out of place I felt in the church. It seemed like every single woman was becoming a wife and a mother, and then there was me… the adventurous, wild spirited, dog mom who wanted to pave her own path.
The out of placeless used to be a source of shame for me, as I felt like an outcast, an unwanted misfit. Further more, my wildness seemed to be judged harshly by women who fit the more traditional Christian woman mold, and sadly, I experienced lots of church hurt, and was criticized and ostracized for my free spirit and fun loving personality. It was tough, and it left some scars, but thankfully the Lord spoke into those scars and into my heart, and began to redeem the years of hurt into something beautiful, and a source of passion for Him.
Over the years, the Lord really began to show me that He made me exactly how He wanted me to be. He showed me that the free spiritness in me was a lovely and beautiful thing, and something that He had created for an amazing purpose in me. He revealed to me how much He loved my wild heart and soul, and how I could use my boldness and passion for His kingdom and His Glory He spoke into the wounds of rejection and my sense of unbelonging I had, and helped me see how much I belonged in His kingdom, and how far He had gone to choose me. He showed me that He wanted me, every part of me, wild and all.
As I continued finding my identity in the Lord, I began to feel confident in the way He made me. I stopped trying to hide my wildness, and began to let the unrefined and unbound love and passion flow from my heart. As I got more comfortable being the person the Lord created me to be, I started finding a passion for helping others find freedom from the captivity they had been living in as well. I became a therapist, and fell in love with letting the Lord's spirit flow through me to help others escape their cages and live in freedom.
What a blessing it is to experience living in freedom, the way the Lord created us to live.
And so here I am, not completely sure what I am doing, but confident that the Lord knows what He wants to do through me, and so I am trusting in that.
(The next tab, story of wild, talks about the journey to get to this point more, so go read it after this. )
I know that I am called to speak to the Wild ones, and began to pave a pathway for those of us who have struggled finding a place in the church and the Christian community before. I know that the Lord will use me powerfully if I am surrendered to letting His spirit just flow through me and speak through me. I know that the Lord created us wildly, and it is the time to break out of our cages of captivity, and experience the true freedom of the wildness the Lord created us for.
I believe that there is a whole generation of Wild ones for the Lord, who are ready to rise up and use our wildness for the Lord's glory and for growing the Kingdom. And wow. am I excited for that.