Not The Life I Pictured

This is not the life I pictured. 30 (almost 31) roaming the country solo with no permanent home address, unsure where I will be living each month, and figuring things out day by day as I go.

Most days it feels exciting and like this beautiful life I could have never even begun to imagine, but some days it does feel heavy as I process the feelings of loss over what I had once thought and hoped my life would be at this point. There is so much about this crazy life that I love, and I am so grateful for, but I would be lying if I said I never felt sad to be doing this journey alone, or overwhelmed somedays with the complete lack of stability or direction this nomad life entails. 

Recently I have come to realize something, however that has become a point of sweet solace to my wondering soul. Even though this is not the life that I had pictured, this was always the life that the Lord had pictured for me. In Jeremiah 29:11, the Lord says that He knows the plans that He has for our life, and that they are plans for a hope and future. Psalm 139:16 says that the Lord saw us before we were even born and had all of our life’s moments laid out before a single day of our lives had ever passed. 

So even though this life is catching me by surprise, it ain’t catching Him by surprise. This was always His plan. This solo nomad life was always up His sleeves for my path, and there is nothing that I am going through right now that He hasn’t already pictured or planned out for my life. And since He has always had this plan for my life, I can trust that He has perfectly equipped me for this path He has me on. I can take heart that He is walking with me in this crazy journey and that He will direct me in His perfect timing. 

I don’t know where I will live next month… but He does. 
I don’t know what exactly my purpose is in this season… but He does. 
I don’t know if I will ever meet a partner to do this thing with… but He does. 
I don’t know if I will ever plant roots somewhere… but He does. 
I don’t know who I am supposed to meet to share Jesus with… but He does. 

In this very unknown and unpictured season, I take solace knowing that I am walking with the One who knows His plans for me, and the One who had this life pictured out purposefully for me from the very beginning of my formation in the womb. So even though this may not be the life I pictured, I can rejoice in knowing this is the life God always pictured for me, and I trust that His plans for my life are far better than anything I could ever come up with and look forward with hope and expectation as He continues showing me the path and direction to walk in with Him. ​