Lost

Life is weird right now. 

I’m transitioning back to normal life after packing up and moving every week for the last four months… I have no idea what comes next… if I want to go adventure again or if I feel called to plant roots... Everything feels unknown and it’s easy for that unknown feeling to evolve into feeling lost. ​

I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced the horrifying feeling of being lost, but I have, and it was one of the worst days of my life. I was hiking  in Hawaii (stupidly with no map and a very low battery phone) when I just took a couple wrong turns and realized I had no idea where I came from, and began to panic. I did the exact opposite of what you’re supposed to do when your lost and I start running back the direction I hoped I had come from… this only got me further (and more rapidly) lost. I ran in circles completely disoriented, only wasting time and energy. 

Hours later and by the grace of God, I ended up finding signal to call 911 before my phone died. They told me to sit in the same location so search and rescue could find me. It was as I was waiting, and sitting still that a hiker came by and offered to help me out. This kind stranger saved me from the woods and from an enormous search and rescue bill. Lol (I did let them know I made it out safe btw) 

I wonder if I would’ve encountered help sooner had I just waited in the same location for someone to come by once I realized I was lost. I wonder how many opportunities for clarity on direction I would’ve had, had I slowed down and gotten my bearings. I wonder if I would’ve found the right path much earlier had I not panicked and simply slowed down before running back … 

But waiting patiently when you feel lost is difficult. Feeling lost stirs up such anxiety and makes us want to do something, literally anything to make that feeling go away. 

So we feel lost, and we run… doesn’t matter which path or what direction, we just gotta move! 

But then… we realize it wasn’t the right one… so we panicked more and run again…. But nope that’s not it either! Stress, anxiety, panic… and still lost. 


That’s been my life up til now. 

Whenever I felt lost, I would run for something… create my own path, start a new thing, pursue a  hobby, make a big decision… anything to not feel lost. 

But that’s only lead to a whole lot of dead ends and wasted energy… and still feeling lost. 

What I’m realizing in this new “lost” phase of life, is that I was never meant to be my own guide and do this path alone. I wasn’t created to find my own way or be my own navigator. 

I was created to walk in the path the Lord has for me with Him by my side as my faithful and loving guide. 

But here’s the thing about His navigation…He doesn’t show me the map before we set out on treks. He doesn’t even tell me the general direction most times. He only tells me our daily plans and tells me to follow Him as He goes before me. And there are some days where He doesn’t even tell me anything, and He just chills at the campsite…

And those days, it requires a whole lot of waiting, and sitting still to stay with the Lord. It takes quieting my heart and spirit to sit still until He decides to show me the next trek we will be taking. 

The Bible days the Word is a light to our feet and a lamp to our path… only small glimpse of next steps because that’s all we need to know. 

It’s a new way of living, this daily trekking with God, and at times it’s scary and uncomfortable. I want to know what’s next and where this path is headed… but I don’t, and He does. 

If I try to jump ahead of Him and find my own path without Him by my side, I know I’m only going to end up on one He never intended me to walk down.  I also know that even then,  He would search and search until He found me and bring me back to camp with Him… but I ain’t trying to do that. Lol 

And so I’m sitting by the campfire with Him, waiting patiently and quietly until He shows me the next step of our journey. It’s in the waiting that I’m learning to enjoy His companionship more and really learn to trust Him as my navigator. 

I’m learning I’m never really lost with the Lord. I just don’t know where I’m going, but He does, and that’s all I need to know. It’s a surrendering to the almighty navigator and trusting that He will lead me on the most incredible paths I could ever imagine, and the most beautiful places my health could ever dream. 

So here’s to sitting still and enjoying s’mores by the campfire with the Lord while waiting with anticipation of where He might lead me next. 🍁