Lifter of My Head

Psalm 3:3 But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. 

This verse has become very precious to me over recently. 

The last few weeks have been kinda weird mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Turns out that transitioning from frolicking on mountain tops and living new and exciting experiences every day, to temporarily moving into your parents house back home while you figure out what you are doing with your life isn’t exactly a smooth and easy transition. Lol I found myself in a bit of a funk the first few weeks home, and battling waves of depression. 

It felt like I went from such a literal mountain top high in life to a place of complete stagnancy in just a few days. I went from waking up in new and exciting places to waking up in the bed I grew up in. I went from feeling excited about all of the potential ahead of me, to feeling stuck and stagnant. ​
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I felt the waves of depression hitting me, and my whole body just felt heavy.  My head especially felt difficult to lift, and as much as I wanted. I reasoned with myself it was probably just Florida allergies or some food intolerances flaring up, but I think deep down, I knew a lot of the heaviness in my head was coming from the heaviness in my soul and spirit. 

I just couldn’t make myself feel better. I reminded myself I was just in a transition period, and that this was just a temporary living situation. I reminded myself that we are all on our own journeys and there was nothing wrong with a season of rest and recovery and that life can’t always be an adventure. I reminded myself I was doing the best I could in life, but yet, the heaviness wouldn’t go away.

I felt sadness in my soul, burdened in my body,  and heaviness in my head. 

In church last Sunday, I struggled to keep myself from sobbing during worship. It felt like the tears would just keep flowing if I allowed them to surface. After church, I did the one thing I know to do whenever I feel lost, depressed or desperate- go to nature and talk to God. 

There’s a little park near my house that has some woods, so I headed there after church and just started walking and talking to God. I released so much of the sadness and emotional burdens I had been carrying, and told Him how heavy my head and body felt and how desperately I wanted to feel better. 

As I was talking with God and begging Him to heal my head and take the heaviness away, He brought the words “The One Who Lifts My Head High” to my mind. I thought I remembered those words from a Bible verse, and sure enough, a quick google search pulled up Psalm 3:3. “ But you, LORD, are a shield around me, my glory, the One who lifts my head high. “ 

That is what I needed, for my head to be lifted high. It felt like I had unable to lift my head no matter how hard I tried. No matter how many times I told myself to keep my chin up, or to hold my head high, I couldn’t do it. I needed my head to be lifted high by someone who was actually capable of doing it. 

As I was reflecting on the words of the Psalm, the Lord then spoke this beautiful image over me. 

I saw myself coming before Him, my head hung low, with a downcast spirit and sadness in my soul. I then saw His loving hands reaching down to me, meeting me where I was, and wrapping His hands around my chin. In the most gentle way, He then lifted my chin up towards Him, and looked me lovingly and compassionately in the eyes as my gaze reached His. 

It was beautiful, and it was healing. 

Almost immediately, I felt the cloud of darkness leaving from my spirit and the Father’s love and joy came flowing in. The heaviness felt lifted, and I felt like I could lift my head for the first time in weeks. I left those woods that day a whole lot lighter and less burdened than when I had started the walk with God earlier that day. 

I am learning how sweet it is to cling to the promise that He is the lifter of my head. It has become a daily prayer to ask the Lord to be my shield, my glory, and to be the One who lifts my head high. I am learning what it means to put my head in His hands, and to let Him be the one who lifts it. 

And it’s really beautiful. 

When I depended on me to lift my head high, I often felt exhausted, run down and powerless. There’s only so much one can do to try to keep your chin up in life filled with struggles. No matter how much you might try to keep your head held high, you just can’t on your own. 

But that’s the beautiful news. You were never supposed to. 

He longs to hold your heavy head in His hands and breathe new life into your spirit. 
He desires to be the one to pick up your chin, and lift your eyes up to meet His loving and compassionate gaze. The Lord desires to be the One who lifts your head high. 

Just let Him. 

Stop trying to pick your chin up yourself. Stop striving in your own strength to lift your head. And instead, let the Lord take your heavy head into His loving hands and lift your head high to meet His loving and merciful eyes. 

I am still working through some of the funkiness of transitioning back to a more normal life after adventuring for four months, but I can tell you that the heaviness in my head has been lifted. My whole body feels lighter,  and my spirit feels more joyful. 

The Lord is the lifter of my head. 
And how sweet and how precious it is, to daily lock eyes with my Savior, as He lovingly wraps His hands around my chin, and lifts my head up to meet His merciful gaze.