Darts With God

I am not a rugged traveler. lol 

Whenever I told people that I was going to go on a nomad journey, I would always get asked if I was going to be living the van life or camping. I had to laugh a bit because as much as I would love to be a feral mountain chick, I am just not that (at least for now) lol All that to say, I splurged a bit on my stays, and got some lovely airbnbs. 

When I checked into my most recent one, I was at first very excited about the spaciousness of the place. It had a living room, bathroom, bedroom, and even a little game room section. The pool table and dart board were super fun, but for some reason it also made me feel sad. I was not quite sure what was going on with my emotions and thought maybe I was just tired because I was really tired from a day of driving, but the feelings were still the next day. 

I took some time to just sit with God with a worship song on, and then it hit me…

That pool table cover will stay on, and those darts will go untouched… 

I’m here alone, experiencing all these things alone, enjoying these nice airbnbs alone… no one to play pool with, no one to play a round of darts with, just me. The loneliness was being triggered by very tangible reminders of being here alone. And it felt like loss, and it brought up painful old emotions and memories from past breakups that I had felt in a really long time. 

This was never my idea of how my last month in my twenties would go, driving across the country solo, but here I am. To be honest, I would love to share all of this with someone and make memories together with someone, but for whatever reason, God has me here alone. 

The pool table and dart board were hitting at a deeper sort of pain that I was honestly not trying to feel… loneliness and sadness for what can feel like a loss at times.

And so I just cried it out with God, and he listened and he held me, but then He encouraged me to get up and go play darts. He reminded me that I am not here alone, and that He is with me every step of the way. He reminded me that He is excited to be here with me, and that He is on this journey with me. He told me that He wants to experience these things with me, and that He would be delighted to make memories with me… memories that I never have to worry about becoming tainted by a heartbreak, lovely memories that I can hold onto forever, memories that will forever be beautiful ones that I cherish.  

So I got up and played darts with God. 

And it was fun, even though I kind of sucked at it. As I threw a dart that missed the board, I kinda smiled and said out loud to God that I was not very good at this. I had to chuckle as I imagined God standing there watching me, and imagined Him saying something along the lines of, “Well yes Alex, I created you, and I am well aware this was not something I gifted you with… also I definitely already knew you were going to miss that shot.. I’m omniscient and what not. “ 
And I laughed and I smiled, and I made a new beautiful memory with the Lord that I will cherish in my heart forever. 

I am never really alone with the Lord by my side, and I know He is here for it all. God not only cares about the trials and tribulations in our life, but I believe the Lord also cares about the little moments of fun in our life too. He is not only Saviour and Lord, but He is also our friend who walks closer than a brother. So often in our life We need Him as Saviour, but in moments like tonight, I was reminded how much I need Him as my closest friend. 

And what a great friend He is. I don’t have to fear the loneliness anymore, because I have a constant best friend who knows me better than anyone on earth, who is by my side, ready to experience this adventure with me and make beautiful memories with me. 

What a friend we have in Jesus…and guess what, he even let me win the round of darts. Lol